Monica Schipper/Getty Jesse Lally's girlfriend Lacy Nicole was kidnapped with her best friend in her 20s She launched the Shame to Sparkle Foundation and an accompanying podcast to help other women dealing with trauma and PTSD The podcast host tells PEOPLE she hopes Shame to Sparkle helps women "shine the way you were supposed to" and release the "shame" associated with their traumatic experiences Viewers ofThe Valleymight not seeLacy Nicoleon screen, butJesse Lally's girlfriend has certainly played a role in the drama this season. "I positively and politely declined to film just for an array of my own personal reasons, but I am very proud of them," Lacy, 34, tells PEOPLE of the cast during Mental Health Awareness Month. "It takes a lot of gumption and chutzpah to put yourself out there and show those moments. Last year when they so graciously invited me on to film, I don't think I was there emotionally, with my own mental health." Mental health and healing has been a priority for Lacy since she was kidnapped with her best friend one night after being followed in her early 20s. "It was a horrific crime," Lacy says. "We were taken by a gang of men, and the charges included human trafficking, kidnapping with the intent of sodomy and rape, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, burglary, carjacking, theft. There were 22 charges. When you're in your early 20s, you don't necessarily have literature on how to handle trauma. I just swallowed it and became very unwell." Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE's free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Lacy says she developed "seven autoimmune diseases" and "was on a plethora of medications" to help her "exist" after spending one night in captivity, but doctors were "really not getting to the root of the problems." Lacy proceeded to testified in court in relation to her kidnapping, an experience she found to be "worse than the crime." JC Olivera/Variety via Getty "It's the aftereffects that kind of boggle you," she says. "But the testimony is when I really decided to start learning about why I was so unwell." The podcast host started going to what she describes as "an EMDR module talk therapy," which she says "was so beneficial initially," but "almost started to re-traumatize me" over time. "For me, it was really inner child work, which is another cliché in our society now," Lacy continues. "But revisiting the building blocks that made me into who I am today and writing letters to younger me and grabbing my hand, even grabbing 20-year-old me that night and saying, 'You're okay. You're safe. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel seen. You can validate yourself,' was a huge one for me. When you don't have those tools, it's a scary existence because you're seeking validation from outside sources." Lacy learned that she struggles with PTSD, which she still manages today. "I'm terrified to go in movie theaters," she shares ahead of June's PTSD Awareness Month. "Something about it triggers my PTSD. I try my hardest just to avoid them. At this point — if it's been eight years and I'm still terrified to sit in a theater — I politely decline. That's why I always say healing isn't linear." Lacy leaned on her best friend with whom she experienced the kidnapping in its aftermath. "I call her my earth angel," she says. "She was so structured and so strong. And it wasn't until years later she kind of had these effects, I was quite the opposite. She's really given me the okay — with her permission — to share my experiences and use them to help others, even if her healing wasn't necessarily linear to my healing." She also relies on prayer and journaling to process "those deep emotions." "I really do practice the art of self-validation, because as much as it's so easy for an external source to validate me, when you are in a dark time and you can really validate yourself and your experience, I think it's a beautiful release," Lacy says. The PEOPLE Appis now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! She names welcoming her daughter, now almost 4, as a particularly pivotal moment in her healing journey. "Physicians told me I had a 0% chance of ever becoming pregnant naturally, and I was so devastated and heartbroken," Lacy shares. "Becoming a mom was this full circle moment of, in a unique way, you get to kind of reparent yourself through another set of eyes; really just showing the strength of work, and inner healing work, and trauma work. Trauma impacts the body. The body keeps the score. But when we can heal it, I think miraculous miracles can happen." Lacy Nicole/Instagram Lacy has since launched herShame to Sparkle Foundationand its companion podcast, which focus on providing resources to women who have had similar experiences to her. "My whole life, I loved to sparkle, and I think that can often be misconstrued as being tacky, or over the top. But to me, sparkling is going back to that version of you that came to this world absolutely perfect," Lacy says. "It's being able to take that shame and shine the way you were meant to at your core. Being a victim of a crime really does give us an opportunity to be victorious in our life. And to [say], 'What is the universe teaching me on how I can help others?' " Lacy says Lally, 45, has been supportive of her foundation and comes to events for it. "He's great," she gushes. Jesse Grant/The Hollywood Reporter via Getty She and Lally started out as friends whose children were also friends, and then he became "a kind of confidant" for her as they both went through their separations. Lacy hopes sharing her story gives context to what viewers have seen play out onThe Valley. "I don't have any issue with anyone filming," she says. "You sign up for it if you're dating someone [on TV], and I respect that. It's anything to do with my safety, I will always set that boundary." Because of her past, Lacy feels like she can handle any blowback she receives on or off screen. "I've been dragged to the mud. I've been cross-examined for years. And I am human," she says. "When everyone makes fun of my face on Instagram, and on the show, of course, it hurts my feelings, but I can handle it. But I was violently attacked, so I'm really proud of where I've come." Read the original article onPeople
